I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
