so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
