i permit you to call me
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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