Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize