I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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