Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
