he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
