did you get engaged???
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
