the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
