i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
