my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
