I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
