I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
