This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
