watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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