When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
