Old men and throwing up are my life now.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
