If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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