I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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