My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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