So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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