I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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