i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
