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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.

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• (415): View more from California

  The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?

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• (951): View more from California

  All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.

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• (325): View more from Texas

  Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???

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• (565): View more from

  It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.

  Fav 14 2398 1159

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• (254): View more from Texas

  Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.

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• (865): View more from Tennessee

  Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.

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