They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize