At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
