If i come over, it means nothing
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Dick very happy bro
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
