You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Randomize
