Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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