i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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