low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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