My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
