hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
