I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
