he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
