so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
