I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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