i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
