I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
