You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
