You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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