Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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