The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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