just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
