My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
