walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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