sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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