He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I am one with the molecules
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
as a side note pls kill me
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
His nipple licking is glorious
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