You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize