pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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