My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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