I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
