I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
