I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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