The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
