Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
