I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
