Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize