i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
