the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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