The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
