when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
