I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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