why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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