How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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