I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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