Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
