Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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