So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Randomize
