Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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