Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
