at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
