why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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