dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
