A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
