my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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