You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
