Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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