You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize