I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
