I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
