hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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