I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
