can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
