she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
