we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
