Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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