She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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