just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
