he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
send nudes
from the living room?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
