everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
