After last night, I could never be a politician.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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