Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
