my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
