I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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